This one is a little emotive and I apologize for that. It's not intended to offend but I ask you at least think about it.
I wrote on the day Hannah died that I hate the term battle associated with cancer and I stand by that statement today. Even more so.
"Please don’t refer to her as losing her battle. She never really had a battle to win. She defied cancer with a fierce determination to live as much as she could. She was happy up to the end. It feels like nothing quite went her way and there was nothing that could have kept her with us but that did not stop her and we are so, so, so very proud of her."
These terms assume there are any winners and losers in Cancer. Worse even are these military style comments such as 'Warrior', 'Soldier', or 'if anyone can do it you can' and 'Heroes'. Glorifying 'survival' as if there isn't a lifetime of repercussions from a cancer diagnosis and no thought to how that might make people feel.
I get that its hard for people to understand who have never been through something like a cancer diagnosis and treatment and even grief. I also can understand how those terms work for some. But please, please think about what you are writing?
Is one child stronger than another because they made it and the other didn't? Is one a hero for still being around while the others parent's are wallowing in guilt? No, of course not.
Let me lay it all out in really simple terms. The only difference between my child dying from Cancer and someone else's child still being alive is exactly the same as our children being diagnosed and yours not. Luck! Nothing more, nothing less. They all follow the same protocol, all have the same treatments - assuming they are lucky enough to have access to them. The only variables in between is down to luck and that is the top on bottom of it.
You are even assuming these are words these kids want to hear? These kids that are still alive have most likely met and have most likely lost friends. Do they really feel like heroes? Do terms like that arouse anxiety or guilt in them? I know parent's of other cancer kids have told me they feel guilty for still having their child. I don't know the answer - but I know its for them to tell you and not the other way round.
You are also assuming treatment of cancer isn't without huge implications and as though there isn't a lifetime of side effects and challenges ahead. You cant just simply walk away from Childhood cancer as soon as treatment ends and go back to how you were before day one. It doesn't work like that. Ask any parent of a child still alive will tell you exactly that. I guarantee, as with cancer treatment, there are good days and not so good days.
We even do it when people die from cancer. How many times do you read, 'lost their courageous battle with cancer'? Cancer is a disease, just like any other. A life threatening one that requires intense, debilitating treatments. Its no different than any other life threatening disease so why do we treat it different?
I don't get to kiss my little girl goodnight anymore, but she ain't no loser. You don't win and lose with Cancer. You defy it by living as much as you can, even in grief. Hannah defied cancer by being herself right up until her last breath. There is no one on this planet more proud of their child than me. She did everything she was asked and more and laughed and smiled and joked her way through all of it and on her last day she had one last act of defiance.
Nora was in bed with her and we were singing songs. She suddenly sat up and sang 'Twinkle, Twinkle Star' to her. We have it on video but its too hard to watch, never mind share. She looked her in the eye and sang it with her beautiful frail voice. See cancer was taking things like her voice from her but it wasn't taking Hannah. No, she was having none of that. It was her one glorious last 'screw you' to cancer as she did her favorite thing to her favorite person.
Hannah had a positive impact on so many lives and will continue to do so for long time to come. Let her story be of hope and not of battles.
Please think about what you are writing in relation to cancer and please don't insult her or her special friends by using terms they may not want to be used.
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