We are so thankful for Nora. I’m not sure how single child families manage to survive through grief if I'm completely honest. I’m sure they manage and it's just another facet to this whole situation but I can't even begin to imagine.
The older Nora gets the more we see similarities with Hannah. Not just in her looks but her mannerisms too. She’s hit that age where she is now very much turning into a little girl and she's starting to lose her toddler features. Maybe it is because those memories of Hannah are fresher but you catch her in a certain angle or watch her sitting with her legs crossed and it could very well be the same little girl.
It’s mostly joyful but it also twings at your heart.
She is a bundle of energy. She is so happy and curious and playful and is developing the same cheeky wit Hannah was blessed with. For sure she will keep us more than on our toes in the years to come.
There are lots of ways she is different too. She is more feisty than Hannah, definitely more stubborn and certainly a little more wild. It’s not uncommon to be walking through the house and seeing a somersault on the couch or dismount from about 5 stairs up. All of which keeps Kate’s anxiety levels bubbling.
I thought I would be protective of her but I’m happy I still find myself slightly encouraging some of the crazy things she does. A bump and bruise from fun is a bump well spent after all. I think we can tell our kids to ‘be careful’ too much and we should try not to put our fears onto them. She’ll figure out what is too high for herself - and I’m sure its higher than what Kate and I would want and that is a good thing - so long as we are there to catch her.
Nora has had a lot of her childhood disrupted by what happened to Hannah. The more normal and loving and fun we can make everything else for her the better and all of that is certainly solid therapy for Mum and Dad too. She deserves her own happy memories too.
She is becoming more and more curious about Hannah. She still hasn’t asked why she doesn’t live with us anymore. Nor why there are pictures everywhere and yet she’s not home, but I can tell she is confused by it all.
She talks about her more and more her and I do see her pause for thought at times and I’m sure this is her processing whatever he little mind has come up with for why Hannah isn’t here. Maybe she can't quite figure out what words she needs but she is thinking about it I’m sure.
We put the Christmas tree up last week. A Christmas tree and baubles tells a family story and she could see all the pictures of Hannah and us before she was born, together and then last years without her. I could tell she was a little confused and it compounded whatever she has going on in her little mind about it all.
It must be so confusing for her. She constantly talks about Sisters and is becoming more aware of family and relationships. We tell her Hannah is her sister but I’m not sure what she thinks beyond that.
I’m not too worried about when the time comes for questions. We’ll be honest and true with her and explain it as many ways as she needs. I think that will stand her in good stead and we’ll support her in anyway she needs.
She has been role playing recently and pretending to be other people often. For example, “I’m going to be Mummy and you be Nora”. We’ve all been multiple people these last few months. It’s fun and she has her own interpretation of how certain people act. Everyone from family and friends and TV characters.
Then last week she decided she was going to be Hannah.
“Mummy, I’m going to be Hannah now.”
“Hello Mummy, I’ve missed you.”
Yeah, that one went right deep into the feels. We looked at each other and did that heartbreaking smile. The one that kind of goes, ‘awwee, that’s so cute and it's killing me inside, but it's okay and we’ll be okay, can you go get the wine/gin/whisky/beer’.
This has continued for the past week or so. It’s nice in a way but heartbreaking all at the same time. She obviously doesn’t realize what she is doing and it's lovely that Hannah plays such a significant part of her little mind. She is always fun and loving when she does it so that’s a good thing I guess.
I’m sure it won't be long before she asks more about what happened. I’m looking forward to telling her all about her sister and showing her all the videos of them together.
I do wonder how all of this impacts her. How he little brain processes all of this. Just because she is little and doesn’t understand doesn’t mean she doesn't grieve. It’s just a shame we can't do much more than love her to help right now.
My theory is to be honest and open with her that will hopefully teach her to be open and honest too and if she needs anything else, well we’ll be there for her.
For now we’ll just enjoy her for the bundle of brilliance she is and ride all the emotions she carries with her.
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